五個科學方法讓你更快走出失戀痛苦
The only way to truly get over a breakup is to give it time.
真正走出失戀痛苦的唯一辦法就是給它時間。
As biological anthropologist Helen Fisher previously told Business Insider, "The day will come when that person who's been camping in your head is out. And you wake up in the morning and you realise that yesterday you never thought about them at all."
正如生物人類學家海倫?費雪曾對商業內幕網說過的：“總有一天，那個盤踞在你腦海里的人會消失。當你在清晨醒來，你會意識到自己昨天一次都沒有想起那個人。”
In fact, research suggests that we tend to overestimate how long it will take us to feel better after a breakup.
事實上，研究表明，我們通常會把自己走出失戀痛苦的時間估計得過長。
That said, if you've just landed in Splitsville, there are plenty of ways to speed up the recovery process - so you can show up to work as a functioning human being, and not a sobbing mess.
盡管如此，如果你剛剛分手，有很多方法都可以加速心情的恢復，以便你能正常工作，不再哭哭啼啼。
1. Don't Facebook-stalk your ex
不要在社交媒體上偷偷關注你的前任
A study published 2024 in the journal Cyberpsychology found that people who creep on their exes' Facebook profiles are more likely to have negative feelings for the person, more likely to desire that person, and less likely to grow from the breakup.
2024年發表在《網絡心理學》期刊上的一項研究發現，偷偷關注前任Facebook狀態的人更可能對前任懷有消極情緒，更容易對前任產生欲望，更難從分手中走出來。
It's hard to say whether looking at an ex's Facebook profile directly causes distress, or whether it's the other way around. Either way, do yourself a favour and try to resist the urge to "just check" what your ex has been up to since the breakup.
關注前任的Facebook狀態是否會直接帶來痛苦還是緩解痛苦，這很難說。無論是哪種情況，為了自己，請努力克制住“看一眼”前任分手后狀態的欲望。
2. List five 'must-haves' and five 'can't-stands' in a potential partner
列出潛在伴侶“必須具備”的五個特質和“讓你受不了”的五個特質。
That's a tip from Andrea Syrtash, dating expert and author of "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It."
這是約會專家安德莉亞?西爾塔什給出的建議。西爾塔什是《他不是你的菜（這是好事）：如何在最不可能的地方找到真愛》的作者。
Syrtash previously told Business Insider she recommends going deeper with each value - so instead of "must have brown hair and brown eyes," try "I must be attracted to this person."
西爾塔什先前告訴商業內幕網說，她建議更深入地挖掘每一種價值，不要寫“必須有棕色頭發和棕色眼睛”，試著寫“我一定要被這個人吸引”之類的話。
One benefit of this exercise is that you might realise while you want someone who's emotionally open, for example, none of your exes have been. From there, you can start to look for a partner who's more suitable for you.
這種練習的好處之一是你可能會意識到一些事實，比如盡管你想要一個開朗的對象，但是你的前任全都不是這樣的人。從此以后，你可以開始尋找一個更適合你的對象。
3. Try not to assume the breakup reflects something wrong with you
不要認為分手反映出你的某種缺陷。
A 2024 paper in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests that your ability to deal with a breakup has a lot to do with your sense of self.
2024年發表在《個性與社會心理學通報》期刊上的一篇論文指出，你應對分手的能力和你對自我的感知有很大關系。
One of the study authors, Lauren Howe, broke it down in The Atlantic:
該研究的作者之一勞倫?霍伊在《大西洋月刊》上分析道：
"In our research, people reported the most prolonged distress after a romantic rejection when it caused their self-image to change for the worse. People who agreed that the rejection made them question who they really were also reported more often that they were still upset when they thought about the person who had rejected them."
“在我們的研究中，人們報告稱，如果被甩導致自我形象崩塌，分手后的痛苦期是最長的。那些認同被甩會導致自我懷疑的人當中，更多人報告稱，當他們想起那個甩掉自己的人，他們依然會感到痛苦。”
On the other hand, Howe wrote, people who responded with remarks such as, "I learned that two people can both be quality individuals, but that doesn't mean they belong together" tended to have an easier time with the breakup.
與此同時，霍伊寫道，說出下面的話的受訪者通常能更好地應對分手：“我明白了即使兩個人都是優秀的人，也不意味著他們就應該在一起。”
Howe recommends that we try to "question our own narratives" about what the breakup reveals about us in order to have an easier time coping.
分手揭示出你的個人缺陷？霍伊建議“不要聽從這個內心的聲音”，這樣分手后才不會那么痛苦。
4. Write about a silver lining you've found in the breakup
把分手的好處寫下來
Research suggests that simply journaling about your emotions surrounding a breakup can make you feel worse.
研究顯示，把和分手有關的情感歷程記錄下來會讓你感覺更糟。
But a study published 2024 in the journal Social and Personal Relationships found a specific type of journalling can help you cope: writing a redemptive narrative. That is, a story about how you turned suffering - in this case, a breakup - into a positive experience.
2024年發表在《社會與個人關系》期刊上的一項研究發現，有一種類型的日記能夠幫你更好地應對分手：救贖故事，就是把你如何把苦難（比如分手）轉化為積極經歷的故事寫下來。
Participants in the study felt less distressed after writing their redemptive narratives for four days - so it's unclear how long the effects last.
該研究的參與者在連續寫了四天救贖故事后，感覺沒那么痛苦了，至于這個效果能持續多久就不清楚了。
5. Talk about the breakup
談論分手
This strategy might seem counterintuitive: Why dwell on a painful past?
這個策略聽上去也許違反了我們的直覺：為什么要沉湎于痛苦的往事呢？
And yet a study published 2024 in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that simply participating in research on breakups can help people get over them.
然而，2024年發表在《社會心理和人格科學》期刊的一項研究發現，單單是參加和分手有關的研究就能幫助人們走出失戀痛苦。
A group of participants who spent more time talking to experimenters and filling out surveys about the breakup later experienced less distress than a group who spent minimal time on the same activities. The first group was also less likely to agree with statements like, "I do not feel like myself anymore."
實驗中，一組參與者花更多時間和研究人員交談，填寫和分手有關的調查問卷，而另一組參與者幾乎不在這些活動上花時間。結果，前者相比后者痛苦減輕了。前一組參與者也不太會認同這種觀點：“我再也無法找回自我了”。
In an interview with The Atlantic, lead researcher Grace Larson said it might come down to looking at your past objectively.
在接受《大西洋月刊》的采訪時，研究負責人格蕾絲?拉爾森說，這可能是因為你在此過程中客觀看待了你的過往。
The only way to truly get over a breakup is to give it time.
真正走出失戀痛苦的唯一辦法就是給它時間。
As biological anthropologist Helen Fisher previously told Business Insider, "The day will come when that person who's been camping in your head is out. And you wake up in the morning and you realise that yesterday you never thought about them at all."
正如生物人類學家海倫?費雪曾對商業內幕網說過的：“總有一天，那個盤踞在你腦海里的人會消失。當你在清晨醒來，你會意識到自己昨天一次都沒有想起那個人。”
In fact, research suggests that we tend to overestimate how long it will take us to feel better after a breakup.
事實上，研究表明，我們通常會把自己走出失戀痛苦的時間估計得過長。
That said, if you've just landed in Splitsville, there are plenty of ways to speed up the recovery process - so you can show up to work as a functioning human being, and not a sobbing mess.
盡管如此，如果你剛剛分手，有很多方法都可以加速心情的恢復，以便你能正常工作，不再哭哭啼啼。
1. Don't Facebook-stalk your ex
不要在社交媒體上偷偷關注你的前任
A study published 2024 in the journal Cyberpsychology found that people who creep on their exes' Facebook profiles are more likely to have negative feelings for the person, more likely to desire that person, and less likely to grow from the breakup.
2024年發表在《網絡心理學》期刊上的一項研究發現，偷偷關注前任Facebook狀態的人更可能對前任懷有消極情緒，更容易對前任產生欲望，更難從分手中走出來。
It's hard to say whether looking at an ex's Facebook profile directly causes distress, or whether it's the other way around. Either way, do yourself a favour and try to resist the urge to "just check" what your ex has been up to since the breakup.
關注前任的Facebook狀態是否會直接帶來痛苦還是緩解痛苦，這很難說。無論是哪種情況，為了自己，請努力克制住“看一眼”前任分手后狀態的欲望。
2. List five 'must-haves' and five 'can't-stands' in a potential partner
列出潛在伴侶“必須具備”的五個特質和“讓你受不了”的五個特質。
That's a tip from Andrea Syrtash, dating expert and author of "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It."
這是約會專家安德莉亞?西爾塔什給出的建議。西爾塔什是《他不是你的菜（這是好事）：如何在最不可能的地方找到真愛》的作者。
Syrtash previously told Business Insider she recommends going deeper with each value - so instead of "must have brown hair and brown eyes," try "I must be attracted to this person."
西爾塔什先前告訴商業內幕網說，她建議更深入地挖掘每一種價值，不要寫“必須有棕色頭發和棕色眼睛”，試著寫“我一定要被這個人吸引”之類的話。
One benefit of this exercise is that you might realise while you want someone who's emotionally open, for example, none of your exes have been. From there, you can start to look for a partner who's more suitable for you.
這種練習的好處之一是你可能會意識到一些事實，比如盡管你想要一個開朗的對象，但是你的前任全都不是這樣的人。從此以后，你可以開始尋找一個更適合你的對象。
3. Try not to assume the breakup reflects something wrong with you
不要認為分手反映出你的某種缺陷。
A 2024 paper in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin suggests that your ability to deal with a breakup has a lot to do with your sense of self.
2024年發表在《個性與社會心理學通報》期刊上的一篇論文指出，你應對分手的能力和你對自我的感知有很大關系。
One of the study authors, Lauren Howe, broke it down in The Atlantic:
該研究的作者之一勞倫?霍伊在《大西洋月刊》上分析道：
"In our research, people reported the most prolonged distress after a romantic rejection when it caused their self-image to change for the worse. People who agreed that the rejection made them question who they really were also reported more often that they were still upset when they thought about the person who had rejected them."
“在我們的研究中，人們報告稱，如果被甩導致自我形象崩塌，分手后的痛苦期是最長的。那些認同被甩會導致自我懷疑的人當中，更多人報告稱，當他們想起那個甩掉自己的人，他們依然會感到痛苦。”
On the other hand, Howe wrote, people who responded with remarks such as, "I learned that two people can both be quality individuals, but that doesn't mean they belong together" tended to have an easier time with the breakup.
與此同時，霍伊寫道，說出下面的話的受訪者通常能更好地應對分手：“我明白了即使兩個人都是優秀的人，也不意味著他們就應該在一起。”
Howe recommends that we try to "question our own narratives" about what the breakup reveals about us in order to have an easier time coping.
分手揭示出你的個人缺陷？霍伊建議“不要聽從這個內心的聲音”，這樣分手后才不會那么痛苦。
4. Write about a silver lining you've found in the breakup
把分手的好處寫下來
Research suggests that simply journaling about your emotions surrounding a breakup can make you feel worse.
研究顯示，把和分手有關的情感歷程記錄下來會讓你感覺更糟。
But a study published 2024 in the journal Social and Personal Relationships found a specific type of journalling can help you cope: writing a redemptive narrative. That is, a story about how you turned suffering - in this case, a breakup - into a positive experience.
2024年發表在《社會與個人關系》期刊上的一項研究發現，有一種類型的日記能夠幫你更好地應對分手：救贖故事，就是把你如何把苦難（比如分手）轉化為積極經歷的故事寫下來。
Participants in the study felt less distressed after writing their redemptive narratives for four days - so it's unclear how long the effects last.
該研究的參與者在連續寫了四天救贖故事后，感覺沒那么痛苦了，至于這個效果能持續多久就不清楚了。
5. Talk about the breakup
談論分手
This strategy might seem counterintuitive: Why dwell on a painful past?
這個策略聽上去也許違反了我們的直覺：為什么要沉湎于痛苦的往事呢？
And yet a study published 2024 in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that simply participating in research on breakups can help people get over them.
然而，2024年發表在《社會心理和人格科學》期刊的一項研究發現，單單是參加和分手有關的研究就能幫助人們走出失戀痛苦。
A group of participants who spent more time talking to experimenters and filling out surveys about the breakup later experienced less distress than a group who spent minimal time on the same activities. The first group was also less likely to agree with statements like, "I do not feel like myself anymore."
實驗中，一組參與者花更多時間和研究人員交談，填寫和分手有關的調查問卷，而另一組參與者幾乎不在這些活動上花時間。結果，前者相比后者痛苦減輕了。前一組參與者也不太會認同這種觀點：“我再也無法找回自我了”。
In an interview with The Atlantic, lead researcher Grace Larson said it might come down to looking at your past objectively.
在接受《大西洋月刊》的采訪時，研究負責人格蕾絲?拉爾森說，這可能是因為你在此過程中客觀看待了你的過往。
